Toxic Thought
It's early.
Way too early.
As in, I'm-the-only-customer-in-St.-Arbuck's-early.
It's positively unsettling.
While taking my order the Barista apologized three times for yawning.
I yawned back and said that it was okay.
Anyway...
I'm sitting here in my usual corner, working the kinks out of my brain...still chasing that illusive creative thought that escaped me the other day.
I'm determined to catch that sucker!
With none of the typical chatter and frenetic motion of harried customers coming and going to distract me, I find my thoughts turning to a thread that has been weaving itself through my consciousness for the past few days.
It has to do with the subject of toxicity.
More specifically toxic thought.
I started thinking about a scene I had witnessed recently at the beach: two children, a boy of seven or eight and a girl a year or two older, were playing a short distance away from where I lounged on the sand. It was a golden, sun flecked San Diego Saturday morning that was tailor-made for my project of the day, which was to do precisely nothing for as long as I could possibly stand it.
And I was going for a record.
With their energies directed entirely toward the mission at hand--which to my untrained eye appeared to be the building of a sand castle--there arose a dispute of some consequence. The brother and sister, for that is what I imagined them to be, began verbally jousting over what seemed on the surface a trivial matter regarding whether the castle should have three or four turrets.
As the quarrel escalated the original contention was set aside in favor of engaging in that age-old ritual shared by siblings throughout history, i.e. name calling. The sister quite descriptively and enthusiastically indicated that her younger brother lacked intelligence, to which he replied, "What you say is what you are!"
At first taken aback by the authoritative pronouncement, she nevertheless pressed the attack by elaborating on her brother's unfortunately excessive weight. And once again the brash youngster replied, "What you say is what you are."
She readied another barrage, but I must be honest and admit that at this point I lost interest due to the fact that the young man's rejoinder stuck in my mind where it took up residence and refused to budge.
"What you say is what you are."
While I'm not an expert on the subject, it seems to me that nothing in life ever happens without something first being said, for in verbalization we reveal our beliefs, and what we believe is the most important thing about us.
Here's what a behavioral specialist told me once: what I believe affects how I feel; how I feel triggers certain thoughts; and the way I think triggers how I act.
Followed to its logical conclusion, if my verbalized belief is, "I am worthless!" then over time I will become what I say, for everything else will stem from this foundational belief, which lends considerable weight to the notion that "What you say is (indeed) what you are."
There is a great story about an ancient leader who sent twelve spies ahead of his army to scout out the land and asses their chances of conquering the people who dwelt therein. On their return, ten of the spies said that while the land appeared to be quite fertile, the people who lived in the land were "giants." But here is the most interesting thing about their report: they said, "We were as grasshoppers in our own eyes."
Did you get that? Not that they looked like grasshoppers from the perspective of the large and powerful residents, but that they were as grasshoppers in their "own eyes." They were simply verbalizing what they believed in the core of their being.
I heard someone say once, "You might not be who you THINK you are...but what you THINK, you are."
Why is it that we are so prone, often fatally, to believing the worst about ourselves, owning the toxic thoughts even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary? Well, if you don't mind me saying so, it's often easier to just accept the lie than to dig for the truth, because if we were to uncover and embrace the truth, then we'd have to actually do something about it.
People are beginning to line up at the counter, and most of the tables are now full, the air filled with the sounds of people getting ready to take on their day.
I guess what I'm really trying to say here is just this: if you want to change your world...start by changing your words.
You know...the desert is really quite beautiful in the morning.
RG...out!
Comments
I would love to see the desert in the morning. I will see the desert in the morning sometime. In the meantime - good morning from lush Connecticut!
why *is* it that it's so much easier to believe the negative about ourselves? is it just that we don't want to dig for the truth, in the event that we find something we don't like? but chances are - we don't like the negative about ourselves anyway.
it's a heavy thought for so early in the morning!
but i love your writing, and you bring some good thoughts to bear. like the concept that you are what you say you are. i've never considered how true that statement could be, given the logical connection among words-thoughts-behaviors. i have something new to work on now!
happy thursday -
[actually, quite lovely]
Good for that kid. I hope he sticks to that mantra. He'll go far in life.
Wow you posted this at 6:43am - and already have 5 comments. See I'm not the only one who looks for your post first thing in the morning. This is good.
You know Mark 11:23 - "does not
And lucky us that have your words..... your thoughts coming to us.
Something amazing about the things you write (at least when I have been able to read them) is that most of the time it seems to be some paralel thing happening in my life that fits completely with what you have just sent me....and I have not only the wisdom of your words but also the blessing that you take time to send them.....
Last month I recieved a very harsh, offensive, hurting letter from my sister in law (well, sister of my ex husband, Sarita s dad). After reading it through with a friend of all of us who has remained a very good friend indeed, more like a brother to me, I decided to show it to Sarita, as it involved her too. (though the insulting bits were dedicated to me)
Sarita (now 12 years old) said:
_ " Oh mum, this is so funny, she is writing all of these things that are things that happen to her, or things she is.....look:"
and then went on reading and explaining.
It's true. You are what you say you are. Worse part of it is what you are saying is also terribly true: most people dont want to embrace the truth, as one has to act upon it....
Lets hope that, counting on people who say what they think, are what they say (like you or a few others 'round here), the world can still become a much better place.....
Words are some of the most powerful weapons God gave us, and amazingly can be the most healing of balms as well. I have found that when I am at my lowest and most negative, if I can place a smile on my face and have only positive things to say about others, somehow it pulls me out of my funk. And before you know it, I feel more positive as well.
Thanks for the insightful post RG
i dated an absolute psychotic jerk for less than 2 years, but the horrible things he said and did to me had a stronger impact on me than the 20+ years of love my parents gave me... and the 7 years of daily affirmation that steve gives me.
it's weird. those toxic thoughts still enter my head. and i STILL need to remind myself that i'm beautiful and actually WORTHY of all the good in my life.
great post, again. :)
"Garbage in.....garbage out."
" Watch your thoughts; they become your words.
Watch your words; they become your actions.
Watch your actions; they become your habits.
Watch your habits; they become your character.
Watch your character; it will become your destiny."
Great post! I have always believed in the power of words. They are like seeds that can either build up or tear down. The old "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" adage is so not true. Hurtful or negative words can do the most damage when they stay in ours or someone else's mind and become inplanted unnoticeably...like a seed.....and then seed will eventually take root and take effect. They are silent enemies. But words can also build up and they can heal in the same fashion.
A lot of people tease me for my always trying to stay positive and choosing to be more positive than negative, and all the positive quotes and messages that I choose to listen to and read......well that is just trying to overcompensate for the incredible amount of negative in my life. The more negative I have in my life, the more positive I need to fight the negative. And the more positive I put in my life, the more positive I spill onto other people as well....and that only creates more positivity. People always think I come across as very strong...but it is only because I choose to use positive words as my bodyguards and warriors.
Thanks for sharing your perspective and beautiful writing ~ Wishing you a good day ;o)
Zazzi
Yep, I am my own worst enemy. Even if I have everyone around me telling me how terrific I am, how talented, or even how beautiful, somehow I don't believe it. At this point, I have a sneaking suspicion they could have been right but feel I've wasted my life. My theme running in my head now is 'could have', 'would have' 'too late' kind of stuff.
I'll have to ponder what you've shared with us this morning. Thanks for sharing your random thoughts with us. I always enjoy stopping by.
Fabulous book! :)
I only recently realized that words were one of my main love languages too. I had always thought touch and acts of service were my love languages....but recently, through some rather painful life experiences, I realize how important words are to me and have always been. Its been enlightening to me how much. Touch and words of affirmation are what really and truly fill my love tank.
Just taking your advice, man. :)
Thanks for the reminder to continually reprogram myself when negative self-image thoughts reign.
This gets printed out and stays next to me on my desk. Good one, Foxsy.
Hi, Cori -
May I ask-- is Five Love Languages the name of a book? Sounds like something I'd like to read...
My wife and I went through the Five Love Languages two summers ago. It was an amazing experience. And I agree with Cori that the book will be beneficial for anyone regardless of their belief system.